Tuesday, April 3, 2007

moody

I haven't gone outside in days. To a proper class in weeks. Been avoiding friends and grumpy at work, which i feel extra shite about bc most of my coworkers are terrific, really. And because i also know that all these things i am avoiding are the exact things i should be jumping straight into. But somehow... i just can't bring myself to face any of it....

I did go out for a bite & a few drinks with a friend i haven't seen in a while on Friday. Working Boy he has become now, and it was actually fun to hear about his new 'corporate' life as well as dispensing romantic advices i'm never good at following myself. I did enjoy the evening though, but i think i might've used up all the pure joy i had on reserve. It's only for show now.

Due to my financial predicament, i haven't gone to see my therapist in ages either. And despite taking my antidepressants as prescribed, the brainshocks occasionally hit me like a tidal wave. This may indicate two things: 1) i've hallucinated the entire episode and have not in fact taken them as often as i'd thought - i am going insane, or 2) my body is building a tolerance to its effect and i need to increase the strength. I haven't decided which explanation i prefer. It's like having to pick between being burned at the stake or drowned to death, innit?... Decisions, decisions, decisions...

5 comments:

Jay said...

Try to stay the path, my dear. I know it can be rough, but life looks up eventually.

Boo said...

My dear lady, the only thing you can do is to keep writing.

Despite your professions of moodiness, avoidance of people, life etc this is still wonderfully written and manages to convey clearly what's on your mind without rambling, whingeing or resorting to any other crutches (I hold so dear myself!).

Chin up chump, etc etc

Chris said...

There is no question in this post, so it would be wrong for me to fumble around for an answer.

I hope you feel more eudaimonic soon.

Rosanna said...

I hope you feel more like facing the world soon.

vapidly vibrant said...

Thank you all for your warmest regards.

And yes, chin up and stick to my path i shall. As soon as this bloody cold fuck off.

p.s.: ...but i thought there was a question in there, Mister Chris? :)