what's new, pussycat?

I've got too much in my head at the moment to coherently write anything of my usual nonsense. So instead, may I present to you Arch Nemesis, Cat:

Schizoid, delusional agoraphobic, senile spy,
debilitatingly self-conscious attention whore.

Don’t be fooled by her sweet feline face, she's a cunning one.

Hobbies: secretly spreading hair onto my clothes, eating flowers from window box, getting sick from eating flowers in window box, sprinting after 'voices in her head'.

Likes: staring competitions, moaning to herself, coming up from behind & scaring the begesus out of me, fighting with the rug and curling up to Blond Monkey.

Dislikes: being ignored, other furry animals, any more than four humans [or the equivalent of] in the same room, the hoover.

Wish: opposable thumbs.

I'd gladly dispose of her if I don't actually think she's a wily old lady trapped in an aging hairy suit with no teeth. And really, who wouldn't empathise?


We haz cmplxic8 luv/h8 rltnshipz.