Wednesday, January 31, 2007

underneath your clothes

Blessed be! I don’t have to work tonight! Yay! Which also means I won’t get any moolah. Boo! But plenty of time to waste away blog! Yay!

And so it has been brought to my attention that not everyone may share the same enthusiasm towards underwear (especially their own) as I do. Is it really just me (and other vapid vain vixens out there as well)? Miaoorrw. Either way, since my fashion-whore of a faery friend who is known as J only got excited himself over the intricate wonderfulness of the Right Underwear after he went shopping with me (as credit should be rightfully given), I feel like dispensing the little knowledge I have on the subject. I know, I’m frightfully generous that way….

First of all, one must realize that there is a ridiculous number of types of panties for women. Just go in any lingerie store, be it Winners or Victoria Secret, there’s always at least two styles: your classic What-Used-To-Wear-Back-In-The-Day-When-She-Was-A-Foxy-Little-Minx-But-Only-Wear-Depends-Now high rise that sees the lovely naval coyly covered, and your “I’m coming out”-era of low risers that gave belly-buttons a fierce come back, circa 1997. After this, it all starts to get pretty prissy (and oh so much fun!). So, of course, thanks to all the Paris Hilton's & Britney Spears’ the world over, everyone is well acquainted with the Thong by now (or the G-string as it is called in other parts of the world), this thin piece of dental floss that magically wraps itself around our nether region. I use ‘our’ pretty loosely (no pun intended) here because I seem to be the only one left of my kin to still not quite understand the supposed ‘comfort’ and ‘freeing’ feeling the Thong procures. Call me old-fashion, but it just feels like I have a permanent wedgie all day long, and thank you, but not getting picked on anymore was one of the few Good Things about graduating from elementary school.

You then have your good ol' dependable girl-next-door Bikinis. They are the ones every girl falls back on when she is feeling like just mopping around the house, doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and the most likely to greet Miss Flo when she’s in town every month [try to find it in picture above - hint: it's the most common one].

Next up, you get your magnificent Brazilians, inspired by – drum roll – the fabulous Brazilian bathers. These do cover both your back & front side relatively more than the Thong but much less than the Bikini. It is, for lack of a better word, all sex. Provocatively shaped in a big ‘V’, which not only reminds you what that V stands for in the first place (while pointing directly to the answer...), it also makes your legs look like they stretch on for miles, as the legs run up higher along the sides of the V shape, y'see. It’s just physics, really.

Which brings you to my personal favorite, the Boyleg or the Boycut. As the name indicates, they are inspired by your ordinary male briefs, cut in a relatively horizontal shape but made to rest beautifully on the female booty. And because I am from Asian heritage, and thus have the curves of a 14-year-old boy, the way the Boycut sits on me draws the eyes across the horizontal plane, giving the impression that I actually have hips. Yeah!

I believe these are the four main categories. One may combine thereafter several styles together – e.g. a low-rise Boycut-Thong – and in all kinds of materials - silk, cotton, lace, mesh, microfiber, etc - to satisfy one’s specific body type. Every woman has different concerns about their delicate region, and one style may not produce the same effect on two ladies either. Also, even if it is the appropriate style, it may not be cut in the adequate shape, which is also dependent on the store. The one I lost, for instance, was perfectly cut to not only fit & accentuate my hips divinely but the legs were slightly curved to lift and separate to make my arse look rather fierce if I may say so myself. Alas, t’is gone now, and I need some to replace it, pronto! Because, tch, everyone knows that the Right Underwear makes all the difference. I could have the crappiest clothes on but as long as i know my undies are perfect, i feel like i'm on top of the world!*

But us girls aren’t the only ones to be blessed by such styling panties - men underwear also carry different types as well, no? You have your regular-Joe's breezy boxers, your sex-machines Italian-stallion briefs, and then the oh-so-jaw-dropping boxer-briefs (low vs long legs [pun intended... ahem]). Seriously. One can not praise enough about the beauty of the Boxer-Briefs. Everyone looks good in them....

But, pre tell, what kind of concerns come into play when you decide to buy underwear? Beside comfort, should one care about anything else? Does it really matter? Am I hopelessly shallow? Please, feel free to share your thoughts on this most important topic.

*well, you know, because i am that self-indulgent...Yes, very good. I really mustn't feel like i need to repeat this all the time. It's the goddamn title, for crying out loud....


jan said...

I'm a 'breezy' boxer kinda guy myself, but yeah, usually, i don't fuss much about it.

Re: the ladies, then anything or nothing will do ;)

Steph said...

I did a post last year about burning the G-bangers. Boylegs are my absolute faves! Anal floss is so 2001.

superstar said...

good picture

vapidly vibrant said...

jan, boys are easy, aren't they...;)

steph(!!!), i knew we had something in common :P. And yes, 'anal floss' is indeed very passé. Yet, i'd prefer these little 'starlets' would stick to that rather than show their avid teeth to the world...*whimpers & cries*

superstar - this is where i got it from. Because...why would i take a picture of my own underwear? Am certainly not one of them "...funny, smart, creative, adventurous and vibrant" ladies...O_O

Gorgondoza said...

J's got robots on his underwear.. and he doesn't shy away from showing them in public... be afraid!!!